Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And then my night got REAL pukey
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
