Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
