some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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