omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
