I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
