dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
