I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
