well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
