I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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