Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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