i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
