Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
