TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
