It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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