they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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