Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
