Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
