After last night, I could never be a politician.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
