We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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