U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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