i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
