We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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