Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
