you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
