Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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