pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
