i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
