does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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