dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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