If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
MIDGETS
????
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
