my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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