from now on my penis is your penis
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
