i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
