After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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