I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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