he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
