i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
