i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
