I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
