She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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