I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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