Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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