This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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