I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
