His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize