Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
