yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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