If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ugly people sure do ruin things
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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