I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
whose parrot is this?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
