So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
