I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
