we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize