just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
ttyl tear gas
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
