Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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