she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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