so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
