Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
