you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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