if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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