I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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