MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
