i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
