they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
