My cat gives me a boner
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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