I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
