How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
