I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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