you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
