I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
