why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize