hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
