This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
