just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize