terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
