He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
