I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
