I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
