my phone needs a breathalizer
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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