Reggie can tackle my bush.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
