as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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