So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
