Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I touched a dick in church today
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize