I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize