Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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