No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
