I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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