Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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