He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
