I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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