The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
