You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
