so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
