If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize