Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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