Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
