not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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