Will you blow on my dice?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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