I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
